im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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