Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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