If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
