if i died would you start the facebook group?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
