My friends, they love my intelligence
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
