He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
