my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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