i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
