the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
