Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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