for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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