When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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