hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
