i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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