get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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