i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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