It's Friday. Sex?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
