On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
