My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize