I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
