They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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