Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
