is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
