Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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