I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the day after is always just damage control
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
