Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have post one night stand depression
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