so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
