So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
