I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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