They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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