just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize