i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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