I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
