Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize