Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
