I can text with my tongue
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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