i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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