I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
