i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
