I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
