The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
