If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
