You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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