Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
