just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
