I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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