I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize