I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
