Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
