I wish I only lived at night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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