hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
