He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
