last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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