I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
