I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
