I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
