God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
